Spots of Sunshine

Today I have been inundated with the thought of learning through failure/critique. Some people, let's face it, simply do not like being critisized no matter how constructively or otherwise. Here's my thoughts on the subject: you have to to fail in order to learn. If you are not willing to fail, you don't care enough about your craft. If you are not willing to receive contructive criticism, you don't care about it either. Success could not stand without the support of failure. I am in the process of writing my first novel and when I first began, I was terrified that I wasn't doing it right. I was so caught up in the construction of the skeleton of the story, that I wasn't having any fun. I have always loved to write and it has never been a chore. Suddenly, I realized that the thing that I loved had become a hassle. I stopped right then. I put away all of my notes and told myself that I wouldn't come back to the story until I was in a place where I could allow myself the freedom to make mistakes. I had to learn to approach it in the same way I had any other writing project I had done over the years. I had to allow myself the possibility of failing. I would love to be published, really, but I think what's most important to me is that I am pleased with my work. I want to finish this book to say that I did it. It might not turn out good, heck it might stink, but being open to failure and allowing myself to take part in the process will, no doubt, bring me closer to my desired goal. There are some things I am terrified at failing at (does life count? lol), but writing is not one of them. I love my work, not in a conceited way, but in a passionate way. My work is me: all of my feelings and experiences all wrapped up in a bundle of words. No on could ever take that away from me.

moving on...

I found out today that the Florida Public Library Fund is on the chopping block. This just distresses me in so many ways. With the illiteracy rate in this country, the decision to do this astounds me! Reading should be a fundamental part of every child's life; every person's life. Sadly, this is not the norm. When I was growing up, my mom read to me every night before bed. I remember being aware of reading before I could understand the words. She was very patient and worked with me every night, so that by the time I was 4, I was reading on my own. I am so grateful to her for giving me the gift of literacy. I use the public library all the time. I have seen children, during the summertime, walking to the library to check out books. I was warm and happy for the rest of the day. I think about my future children and the thought of being responsible for teaching them to read is terrifying. It can be so confusing to children, as English can be so confusing. That being said, I will do the very best I can. I will do it because I know how important it is in the whole rhelm of things.

Speaking of children...

We were discussing children in my educational psychology class and we touched on an issue that really struck a nerve with me. We were discussing the proper amount of time a mother should stay home with her child after giving birth. One woman said that the first three years are the most crucial and that if a mother goes back to work she is depriving her child of the bonding and attachment that comes along with that time spent together. She went on to say that children who are put into daycare centers at an early age suffer problems and are unhappy in the longrun; that society punishes mothers who want to stay at home with their children. She also said that children lacked social awareness and such by being placed in daycare too soon. I'm sorry. I couldn't disagree more. My mom ran a daycare center from 1981-1997. I still keep in touch with a lot of the children who went there. We were like a family and those kids knew that their teachers cared for them. I agree that children should be with their mother at least for the first six months.
As a woman who wants to have children, I do not want to take three years out of my career for every child I have. I don't think I should have to. She claims that society frowns on women who choose to stay home, but she (and my classmates) are frowing at the women who choose to go back to work. Where's the justice in that? Furthermore, I don't think that my child will suffer long term consequences if I put them in daycare at one years old. For some people it is cheaper to stay at home than to pay for child care. I understand that. I think that there are a lot of benefits of going to daycare. I think your social skills are markedly improved. I just have a real problem with women giving up their chosen career, one that they worked so hard to obtain, not because they want to; but because they feel their child will suffer as a result. Both of my parents worked full time jobs while I was growing up and I turned out just fine. I knew they were always there for me. There are plenty of women who might physically be home, but wishes she were somewhere else. Is that beneficial for the child?
It just seems like the area where I live has smacked into the twilight zone and reverted back to 1950 where girls get through high school, then have visions of wedding bells and babies dancing in their heads. They don't aspire to go to college or learn who they are as individuals. Some go to college, but as soon as they find their man, they drop everything to get married and have children. I feel like we're being taken back sixty years. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a wife and mother. It's a comendable job, but why does it have to be rushed into? You have the whole rest of your life to wed and birth babies. This is your time to learn about yourself. Stand on your own two feet. This is just my opinion. I know there are plenty of girls my age and younger who are married and either pregnant or have children. I know a few of them who are great mothers (some of whom might be reading this right now-not sure) and are doing the very best they can for their children and family. I respect them tremendously. I commend them for going to college while caring for their children. I just think their load would be a lot easier if they had waited.

Alas- life is life. It cannot be planned, it can only be lived. Love the one you have been blessed with and if you don't like it, rage against all odds to change it.

Here's to your very own "spots of sunshine" :)