Stray



By: Elizabeth Alexander


On the beach, close to sunset, a dog runs
toward us fast, agitated, perhaps feral,
scrounging for anything he can eat.
We pull the children close and let him pass.


Is there such a thing as a stray child? Simon asks.
Like if a mother had a child from her body
but then decided she wanted to be a different child’s mother,
what would happen to that first child?


The dog finds a satisfying scrap and calms.
The boys break free and leap from rock to rock.
I was a stray man before I met your mother,
you say, but they have run on and cannot hear you.



How fast they run on, past the dark pool
your voice makes, our arms which hold them back.
I was a stray man before I met you,
you say. This time you are speaking to me.

    I adore this poem by Elizabeth Alexander. The first time I stumbled across it, I must have read it two or three times- one right after another. I was (and am) enamored by its deep, passionate message delivered in such a simplistic way. There aren't a lot of words- not a great deal of stanzas. Just pure emotion. It's one of those poems that paints a mental image like no other. I can close my eyes and see it all play out in my head...it's lovely.

     I must admit, as far as what I want in a relationship, it's a bit of a stretch. The poem is built around the analogy of the husband being much like the feral dog: fierce, perceivably dangerous, running, searching, scared, lost. That is, until he meets his wife to be. "I was a stray man before I met you," he says to her. And it's so romantic, such a riveting ideology. Every woman wants to that to someone- the person who draws you back from the edge. The person who saves you, or helps you realize how much life if worth living. To have your presence be the sheer force behind all of this- well, it must be amazing, right? Amazingly stressful, I'd say. I don't want the pressure of being someone's constant source of happiness or to be the sole person they depend on to give life purpose. I've always said that I am not on a quest to find someone who "completes me" because to do so would be to imply that I'm not a whole person on my own. You have to know how to be a whole person on your own- to find happiness and a sense of purpose within yourself. I just want to find someone who loves me unconditionally for who I am now, as well as who I will become. I want someone who enhances my life- not someone to define it. I'm looking for someone who feels the same. I don't ever want my husband to say, "I love you so much because you make me who I am." No. I want him to say, "I love you so much because you make me want to be the best version of myself."

     I don't want that to take away from the sheer beauty of this poem. Because I do love it, and when I read it, I don't really get the feeling that he is saying, "All I am is dependent on you." I feel more that he is saying, "Everything I am now, I owe to you because you empowered me to be a better version of myself. You helped me understand my purpose." But, as I mentioned- it kind of goes without saying. When you truly love someone- sometimes the best things don't have to be spelled out.